Short Review: 'Horsemen of the Apocalypse' (2009)

Judgement Day. Armageddon. The end of the world. These words conjure up hellish images of war, famine and wide spread panic throughout the course of mankind in its darkest of hours. Where popular culture is concerned there have been many a cinematic attempt to depict humanity’s day of reckoning as it may unfold, ranging from the hilarious (End of Days), to the far-fetched (Independence Day) to the just plain dumb (2012). Platinum Dune’s 2009 serial killer pic Horsemen of the Apocalypse, however, sees a decidedly different end for us all via a legion of body-piercing psycho fetishists hell-bent on enacting the cataclysmic Revelations prophecy of ‘The Four Horsemen’ upon our unsuspecting populous. Sound like your cup of tea?

Run down, depressed and hopelessly detached from his two sons, recently widowed police detective Aiden Breslin (Dennis Quaid) has reached rock bottom. When assigned to a freakishly unusual murder investigation he begins to obsess over the bizarre religious implications involved: each death facilitates a portion of ‘The Four Horsemen’ prophecy and those responsible for the killings claim to be the bringers of death for all mankind. With the body count rising and time ever-so short can Breslin stop the grond’s maniacal plot to eradicate life as we know it or will he too fall victim to their devious master plan?

Horsemen of the Apocalypse, while fiendishly striking in concept, is one of those implausible thrillers that requires its audience to suspend a considerable amount of disbelief in order to accept its approach to storytelling. Everything from the convenience of its plotting to its irrationality of police procedure is rarely, if ever, believable and too often handles its story with such ham-fisted clumsiness that you just wish someone could have reigned in the absurdity before it hit the 15 minute mark. The darkly fascinating religious subtext that provides the jumping off point for the drama is indeed intriguing, however the blandness of David Callaham’s predictable screenplay ultimately undermines almost everything thought-provoking and unsettling about the initially promising setup, opting instead for the telling of a more familiar serial killer yarn. A sequel to Se7en this ain’t.

Similarly, Dennis Quaid gives one of his laziest and most disinterested performances of recent years in a role that was clearly taken for monetary benefit. Aside from being utterly unconvincing as a well-worn police investigator he provides the film with no charismatic draw at all and shuffles through the first half of the movie as if he were performing a read-through session on videotape. Granted his character is stereotyped in the extreme but for a leading role intended as the central anchor to the drama itself, Quaid’s efforts are disappointingly sparing to say the least. That said young Lou Taylor Pucci gives another superb performance as Breslin’s grieving eldest son, putting his onscreen father to shame by comparison.

While clearly troublesome with regard to plot and plausibility, Horsemen of the Apocalypse is still a slickly made, albeit largely nonsensical slice of nihilistic mayhem that is more than worthy of an undemanding viewing by horror fans and fear junkies alike. Director Jonas Akerlund employs a decent amount of visual flair and keeps the action moving at a reasonably brisk pace, more than once employing a few grisly set pieces clearly inspired by the macabre aesthetics of the Saw franchise and other recent shockers. As a film about the end of days it’s arguably more watchable than most, just as long as you don’t go in expecting the American flag to wave triumphantly in the final reel.



Dir: Jonas Akerlund
Writer: David Callaham
Cast: Dennis Quaid, Lou Taylor Pucci, Ziyi Zhang, Cliftton Collins Jr.
Country: USA
Run Time: 90mins
Rating: MA15+