Short Review: 'Dark Floors' (2008)

When pressing play on a horror movie featuring the entire line-up of Finish shock rock metal band ‘Lordi’ as central villains one has to wonder what the disposition of the film is going to be. Will this is a parody? A serious venture into terror? Or everything in between? Whichever way you choose to look at it, Dark Floors is one of the most confounding pulp genre films of recent times and also stands (for better or worse) as Finland’s first horror movie ever!

Story-wise things are pretty standard: Ben (Noah Huntley) is treating his autistic daughter Sarah (Skye Bennett) at a local hospital when a sudden power failure traps the two of them inside an elevator with several other passengers. As they struggle to find the source of the blackout the small assembly of folks gradually come to realize they are being preyed upon by a hoard of devilish monsters, those of which have a particular fixation upon the mentally handicapped Sarah and the implications held by her supposed psychic abilities.

Right from the get go Dark Floors was marketed as the ‘Lordi Motion Picture’ and was intended to serve as a cinematic vehicle for the band to showcase their love of the horror genre. Such a shameless promotional ploy could be taken the wrong way by discriminating fans, however if one approaches the film with the right frame of mind you’re bound to be aware of the joke being played out, even if the film does occasionally take itself a little too seriously for its own good. From a concept point of view the film would no doubt have been extremely difficult to decide upon – i.e., how best to integrate the image of the band into the narrative conventions of a horror movie – and probably created some degree of artistic tension between the musicians and director Pete Riski as a result. Understandably, the ensuing screenplay is somewhat of a mishmash of sensibilities, alternating between the cringingly pretentious and the downright preposterous and never quite settles on a consistent tone for itself. Pacing-wise the movie is also scatterbrained, nevertheless its strangers-trapped-in-a-creepy-building scenario is simplistic enough to provide an effective platform for the metal maniacs to run amok and growl their lungs out, even if they’re anything but scary.

Despite the prose behind Dark Floors leaving much to be desired, the film is definitely sexy to look at. Cinematographer Jean Noel Mustonen’s lively camera work and gothic lighting design are appropriately suited to the hellish milieu of the hospital’s darkened corridors and torched hallways and help provide a much-needed visual sophistication amid the absurdity of the mayhem taking place. The action is strongly choreographed and often captured in dazzling slow motion, making the monsters seem far more intimidating and threatening than they would be in reality (particularly ‘Kita’ whose venus flytrap-like mouth and bulky shoulder pads are pretty laughable considering he gets so much screen time). Gorehounds are likely to be disappointed, however, as there’s really no significant bloodletting to speak of. Perhaps a GWAR movie will deliver more viscera…who knows.

In retrospect there’s almost no point in addressing Dark Floors' human cast, as in the end this is Lordi’s movie and was always intended to be. That said, the best performance among the list of hapless victims arguably belongs to William Hope (of Aliens fame) as a reprehensible asshole with no consideration or sense for those around him and who ultimately deserves a death more brutal and merciless than the rest. So much for subtlety, Bill!

In many ways Dark Floors is comparable to a Lordi album: highly derivative and desperate to cater to the mainstream yet still immensely enjoyable and strangely suitable for all occasions. As an effective means of launching the band into a film career of their own the movie undoubtedly falls short of its mission. But really, what does one honestly expect from a film starring hulking Finish metalheads in rubber creature suits terrorizing a band of miserable hospital visitors for 90 minutes?



Dir: Pete Riski
Writer: Pekka Lehtosaari (original idea by Lordi)
Cast: Lordi, Skye Bennett, Noah Huntley, William Hope, Dominique McElligott
Country: Finland
Run Time: 87mins
Rating: MA15+